PinkLuna

Hello! I'm new here, although I have been lurking on this forum for a while. I would like my husband to work out with me, but he keeps refusing and he won't give me any reasonable answer on why he doesn't want to do it. I don't want to keep nagging him about it, but maybe he just doesn't want to be seen with me because I'm fat? Thing is that he also is overweight and it would do a lot of good for both of us to finally start doing something with our bodies. He is working from home mostly because he is an programmer, so his only activity is to walk out the dog few times a week. He literally became so boring person... Do you have any ideas on how could I make him attend the gym with me?

Thanks for your help!

greenprincess

I can see your problem. You can't really force people to do something, even if you will force him he will most likely quit after a few weeks. Better idea would be to make him like it. Don't think that he doesn't wan to be seen with you because your fat... Don't ever think like this, please. Especially as you said, that he is overweight as well, so I personally see no reason for him thinking like this.

I would rather say, that due to his work and spending most of the time at home, he became socially awkward and as he is overweight and also not in a good shape, he doesn't want to embarrass himself in public. Trust me, men are in general more worried about those things than women :) You should suggest him to start working out at home first, there is plenty of threads with home based workouts. Introduce them to him, see if he likes it. Start preparing some healthy meals for him as well, help him lose some weight.

I'm sure that once he sees some progress, he will be the one asking you to go with him :) That's what happened in my case.

Lexie1987

Just like Katyaa said, make him work out at home, start jogging - whatever. You have to introduce him to physical activity. This is how my husband introduced me to the world of fitness.

I was overweight and I also didn't want to attend public places to work out, because I didn't want to be embarrassed, but once I started doing it and lost some weight I can't wait for next training! I started with jogging first, then some simple exercises at home and a good diet. To be honest it took me a while before I came to gym for the first time, but it was definitely worth it.

MomLovesIron

Well, I can't really relate to that as both me and my husband were working out before we even met, but I'm sure that you are not his problem in this case. He just became socially isolated due to his work at home. Every guy loves working out, staying in shape, getting their muscles to grow - it's part of their nature. They are much more concerned about their muscles and staying in shape than we are. Does he have any friends that he could start working out with? It may be the key here - when he sees his best buddy wreaking havoc at the gym, he will feel much more motivated to start working out as well. It's called rivalry. Men are in general much more concerned with this stuff - they love competing with each other and they can't stand if their best friend is doing better than him, much more than we do as well. If he has any good friend, you should ask this friend to start working out or with him.

It may be a much better strategy to motivate your husband :)

annbee

I had a very similar problem with my husband. Getting him to start working out at home first is probably the best advice. He has very low self-esteem now, he is out of shape, haven't been going out a lot. Those things can be frustrating. When I met my husband, he was a fitness freak, but once he break his leg during football tournament he stopped doing any sports at all.

He just didn't want to train anymore, because he was in so much better shape before and he knew that he will most likely never be as strong and fit as he was in his twenties anymore, so he decided to never train again. I made him train again, but it took me a lot of effort.

He started working out at home for a year, because he was afraid of what his former football buddies at the gym will say about him being out of shape. So he religiously followed his diet, started building his body from a scratch and in just a year he already got in a really good shape - most likely because he was already very fit before, so it came much easier to him.

Anyway, just like MomLovesIron said - every single man want to train and impress girls or their friends and most importantly those close to them - in this case, it's you.

So, you shouldn't give up on him - just slowly introduce him to all the benefits that come from working out.

Dyane

Your post got me thinking annbee as my husband was never really into fitness, although he is attending gym twice per week or so, he is jogging with me from time to time, but he never really got into this lifestyle as much as I did or other guys that I knew. As we get more and more into men's behavior, it may have to do with their need to dominate. My husband for example is a CEO for a pretty big company, he has both money and status. He is pretty handsome as well, so even though he never really took special care of his body he is feeling superior towards his peers in other areas, so he doesn't have to work out to prove himself as what he has is enough. I don't think this is the case with your husband as you told us, that he is not really getting out of home much, but I think the whole purpose of men attending gym and building their dream body is to become a man of an higher value. What if you husband already thinks he has this "value" and he simply doesn't want to work out because he doesn't see any reason to?

Does he play any video games or is he rich? He must have some areas, where he is superior and that may simple be enough for him.

Lexie_1987

Dyane's way of thinking is very correct. I see it this way with women as well, although in general men are much more competitive about their "value". I don't think this is the case with your husband though, you should try having an serious conversation with him - but don't discourage him. Just let things happen in their own pace, but make an introduction.

Instead of working out at home he can try some other physical activity, which will make him feel better. What does he like? Swimming, playing football or tennis? Once you introduce him to any form of activity, he will be less hesitant to try something different.

I can't believe he doesn't like any sport at all, there must be something and when you find it - introduce it to him!

Katyaa

It is also possible, that the reason he doesn't want to work out with you is because he doesn't want to embarrass himself in front of you. Men are very sensitive about those kind of things.

For example when 100 pounds barbell will take his breath away and some handsome, young guy next to him will be easily lifting 300 pounds barbell, he will feel bad. Especially when he is around you, he will feel threatened this way - like he is not enough for you.

I know this sounds stupid, but men are very competitive and protective at the same time. When he doesn't work out at all, he can't embarrass himself and can't show his weaknesses to you.

What about you will let him attend the gym alone at first? He should feel more confident, when he is not around you and once he sees that there are many people like him - many overweight and out of shape guys, he will feel much better about himself. When it happens, expect him to ask you to come with him :)

PinkLuna

Thanks, Katyaa! That's an brilliant idea, but I would never thought of him to think like this. I'm overweight and out of shape myself, but I'm trying my best to change this and he knows that, so I just thought it will be easier to make those changes if he has someone like me to support him... I will talk to him, but in an less direct way as you have all suggested here :)

PinkLuna

Okay, I have talked with him. He agreed with me on working out at home. We have a pretty big garage, so he bought some equipment and he told me that he will start there next week, although he also wants to get on diet, so he can lose some weight. I'm actually very happy with his reasoning. I thought getting him to get on diet will be much harder task, but he said that he doesn't want to waste time as he doesn't care that much about being fit and healthy or any of those things. He simply wants to be more masculine and he knows that he needs to do his best in order to achieve that.

I'm relieved to be honest. I still don't know if he will stick to working out or not, but I hope he will :)

I want to thank you all for your input! You definitely helped me in achieving something that I have already considered impossible :P

MomLovesIron

I'm glad that he has finally agreed. Don't worry, if he said that he wants to feel more masculine I really doubt, that he would give up so quickly :)